Understanding

"Then I realized that my heart was bitter, and I was all torn up inside. 22 I was so foolish and ignorant— I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you. 23 Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand. 24 You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. 25 Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth. 26 My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever." Psalm 73:21-26

I have to confess I don't like to share my emotions or whatever is going on inside of me with others. Although, I think I have come to the realization I have trouble with wanting to be the center of attention. I am very self conscious and it drives me crazy.
But, as I said, the object of my blog is to let this out of my chest. Maybe, one day I will look back and see what things have changed, how God has been working in my life to fulfill His ultimate purpose. Maybe, this will help you, too? I don't know if there is anyone reading it. But it doesn't matter.

I've been stuck in Psalm 73 for the last two days. I keep reading it and praying because it is so true about what is deep in my heart now and it seems to be a common feeling to many.
What do the proud prosper? Comparing myself to others. Wondering why the people who don't love God prosper so much while some of us that at least try to work on loving Him better, go trough so much trouble.
I don't wish bad upon them, not at all.
The major realization on this passage is that I've been foolish and ignorant. That I indeed had been bitter and torn up inside.
I confessed then I am so foolish and ignorant again and again. I've been doing it for the last two days. God is talking to me.
In my weakness and ignorance, He is the strength of my heart.
See, I want so many things. Who doesnt? I wish I didn't. I want to be able to travel wherever I want. To see my family whenever I want ( I'm trying to escape from self-pity and wanting to see God's purpose on this setting). I want to learn to be a succesful fisher of man. I don't want to worry about "numbers" in ministry. What school will my children be going to? or what kind of fortune are we making?
God is faithful. He has always been.
I may be taking things too seriously. Worrying about how much I worry about stuff...that's so foolish.
Finally, I understand better God has a plan. I realize that when I come into His presence.
He is in control.

Illias is crawling

Yesterday, July 09 we declared that Illias has started to oficially crawl.
He does it in a funny way. He has leg under and scoots with the other. I think he is afraid of falling on his face. He is pulling himself up and I think he wishes to walk. Sometimes it feels like he wants to let go of my hands.
he likes water so much. Next week we will start parent/child swim lessons for him and Isabella.
Isabella will start Ballet lessons on monday!! How exciting.
One thing I would like to record is that Illias moves his feet as if he wants to walk or jump now, just as he did when he was in my womb. I find that very interesting.