"Then I realized that my heart was bitter, and I was all torn up inside. 22 I was so foolish and ignorant— I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you. 23 Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand. 24 You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. 25 Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth. 26 My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever." Psalm 73:21-26
I have to confess I don't like to share my emotions or whatever is going on inside of me with others. Although, I think I have come to the realization I have trouble with wanting to be the center of attention. I am very self conscious and it drives me crazy.
But, as I said, the object of my blog is to let this out of my chest. Maybe, one day I will look back and see what things have changed, how God has been working in my life to fulfill His ultimate purpose. Maybe, this will help you, too? I don't know if there is anyone reading it. But it doesn't matter.
I've been stuck in Psalm 73 for the last two days. I keep reading it and praying because it is so true about what is deep in my heart now and it seems to be a common feeling to many.
What do the proud prosper? Comparing myself to others. Wondering why the people who don't love God prosper so much while some of us that at least try to work on loving Him better, go trough so much trouble.
I don't wish bad upon them, not at all.
The major realization on this passage is that I've been foolish and ignorant. That I indeed had been bitter and torn up inside.
I confessed then I am so foolish and ignorant again and again. I've been doing it for the last two days. God is talking to me.
In my weakness and ignorance, He is the strength of my heart.
See, I want so many things. Who doesnt? I wish I didn't. I want to be able to travel wherever I want. To see my family whenever I want ( I'm trying to escape from self-pity and wanting to see God's purpose on this setting). I want to learn to be a succesful fisher of man. I don't want to worry about "numbers" in ministry. What school will my children be going to? or what kind of fortune are we making?
God is faithful. He has always been.
I may be taking things too seriously. Worrying about how much I worry about stuff...that's so foolish.
Finally, I understand better God has a plan. I realize that when I come into His presence.
He is in control.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Illias is crawling
Yesterday, July 09 we declared that Illias has started to oficially crawl.
He does it in a funny way. He has leg under and scoots with the other. I think he is afraid of falling on his face. He is pulling himself up and I think he wishes to walk. Sometimes it feels like he wants to let go of my hands.
he likes water so much. Next week we will start parent/child swim lessons for him and Isabella.
Isabella will start Ballet lessons on monday!! How exciting.
One thing I would like to record is that Illias moves his feet as if he wants to walk or jump now, just as he did when he was in my womb. I find that very interesting.
He does it in a funny way. He has leg under and scoots with the other. I think he is afraid of falling on his face. He is pulling himself up and I think he wishes to walk. Sometimes it feels like he wants to let go of my hands.
he likes water so much. Next week we will start parent/child swim lessons for him and Isabella.
Isabella will start Ballet lessons on monday!! How exciting.
One thing I would like to record is that Illias moves his feet as if he wants to walk or jump now, just as he did when he was in my womb. I find that very interesting.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Mommy Memories
Someone suggested writing about my mommy memories. So, before I forget, here we go.
Isabella Abrienne
Isabella means God is bountiful
Abrienne means Mother on Nations
- When Isabella was born, we wanted to have a surprise. John had been saying we were gonna have a girl. When they pulled her out, the anesthesiologist said "A boy!"...the doctor asked my husband,"well, there you go, what is it?", but John couldn't tell because she was all covered with stuff, so the doctor said "It's a girl!". John called her name, hold her and put her cheeks next to my lips so I could kiss her. I was crying of happiness. Our baby was finally here.
She will be 4 tomorrow. Next year she is going to kindergarten.
- She always has wanted to be very independent, she wants her way, she wants to go out. When she was around 2 she always wanted to go out for a walk, outside the Wesley Foundation.
- She liked Elmo. She an Elmo book and pair of overalls.
- When she was about 2, one morning I was laying on bed and trying to get some more rest, when I heard her coming and just when she was about to put her hands on my mouth, I opened my eyes. She had poop all over her hands!
- This memory is from her daddy. She told him she wanted to have a belly like his. She loves and admires her daddy so much.
- She has always liked to sit and play the piano at Wesley and the house. For the last year, she grabs the guitar when her daddy is playing and makes up songs almost about anything she sees or crosses her mind. She is very creative. She loves singing too.
These days she likes Hannah Montana.
- The last week of my pregnancy with Illias we lay down together for naps in the afternoon. She went to sleep on my arms. I tried to get her to feel the baby but she didn't get it yet until he was born.
-The morning on my 30th birthday Isabella came up to me when I woke up and hold my hand and brought me to the kitchen. She sang Happy Birthday to me in front of the cake her daddy had baked. Afterwards she said she was ready for some cake:)
- My sweet husband brought my mom as a birthday surprise this year. It was the first time my mom got to see Illias and it had been 3 years since she saw Isabella. She stayed here for 5 weeks.
Isabella loved to climb up her back and sleep with her.
When she left Isabella said her mommy Dochi had gone to Peru and then she told me " I miss her too much, I want her to come back " :(. My husband said they talked on the phone and Isabella asked my mom to please, come back. When we went to Target, Isabella wanted to go get her suitcase so she can go to Peru with her mommy Dochi.
Illias Salvador
Illias Salvador means the Lord is my God and my Savior
- When Illias was born, the first he did was cry. The sound of his voice, melted my heart. It was such a sweet baby boy voice. John screamed " That's my boy, let it out, son. Illias Salvador." The doctor said she had known all along we were having a boy and was dying to tell me. Everyone in the OR were so thrilled to hear John so proud of our baby.
Isabella Abrienne
Isabella means God is bountiful
Abrienne means Mother on Nations
- When Isabella was born, we wanted to have a surprise. John had been saying we were gonna have a girl. When they pulled her out, the anesthesiologist said "A boy!"...the doctor asked my husband,"well, there you go, what is it?", but John couldn't tell because she was all covered with stuff, so the doctor said "It's a girl!". John called her name, hold her and put her cheeks next to my lips so I could kiss her. I was crying of happiness. Our baby was finally here.
She will be 4 tomorrow. Next year she is going to kindergarten.
- She always has wanted to be very independent, she wants her way, she wants to go out. When she was around 2 she always wanted to go out for a walk, outside the Wesley Foundation.
- She liked Elmo. She an Elmo book and pair of overalls.
- When she was about 2, one morning I was laying on bed and trying to get some more rest, when I heard her coming and just when she was about to put her hands on my mouth, I opened my eyes. She had poop all over her hands!
- This memory is from her daddy. She told him she wanted to have a belly like his. She loves and admires her daddy so much.
- She has always liked to sit and play the piano at Wesley and the house. For the last year, she grabs the guitar when her daddy is playing and makes up songs almost about anything she sees or crosses her mind. She is very creative. She loves singing too.
These days she likes Hannah Montana.
- The last week of my pregnancy with Illias we lay down together for naps in the afternoon. She went to sleep on my arms. I tried to get her to feel the baby but she didn't get it yet until he was born.
-The morning on my 30th birthday Isabella came up to me when I woke up and hold my hand and brought me to the kitchen. She sang Happy Birthday to me in front of the cake her daddy had baked. Afterwards she said she was ready for some cake:)
- My sweet husband brought my mom as a birthday surprise this year. It was the first time my mom got to see Illias and it had been 3 years since she saw Isabella. She stayed here for 5 weeks.
Isabella loved to climb up her back and sleep with her.
When she left Isabella said her mommy Dochi had gone to Peru and then she told me " I miss her too much, I want her to come back " :(. My husband said they talked on the phone and Isabella asked my mom to please, come back. When we went to Target, Isabella wanted to go get her suitcase so she can go to Peru with her mommy Dochi.
Illias Salvador
Illias Salvador means the Lord is my God and my Savior
- When Illias was born, the first he did was cry. The sound of his voice, melted my heart. It was such a sweet baby boy voice. John screamed " That's my boy, let it out, son. Illias Salvador." The doctor said she had known all along we were having a boy and was dying to tell me. Everyone in the OR were so thrilled to hear John so proud of our baby.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Psalm 68:6
"God places the lonely in families; he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy."
How long? She asked with tears in her eyes. With a sigh in her soul, whispering really softly with sadness one more morning "have You forgotten me?" "I'm tired of being alone"...and yet surrounded by many. How can that be? How ironic.
She had so many things in her mind that day, so many unfinished projects, a child to take care of right there and no idea where to begin.
"It will probably be better if I start by praying, by doing my devo", "ah!, don't feel like it either. Sleeping sounds good, though. I am just tired, so tired, God."
I open my Bible, searching through the pages of the new Bible I picked since I didn't want to go look for the other one, for where I was in my daily readings. Oh yes, I think I was in Psalm 67. Well, read it, pray it and let's get going.
Wait a minute. My eyes landed on Psalm 68:6.
Soft and sweet medicine filled up my empty and saddened heart that morning.
He has set the lonely in families. He has set me in a beautiful family, two beauties, a princess and a warrior plus my beloved. They long to be with me and I so long to be with them too.
Yes, I was feeling lonely that day and often too. He knows it and has given me a family.
He sat me free from prison and gave me a new song.
A new song? I have heard that before.
What is the song, Lord? What is that new song?
Help me to hear it.
How long? She asked with tears in her eyes. With a sigh in her soul, whispering really softly with sadness one more morning "have You forgotten me?" "I'm tired of being alone"...and yet surrounded by many. How can that be? How ironic.
She had so many things in her mind that day, so many unfinished projects, a child to take care of right there and no idea where to begin.
"It will probably be better if I start by praying, by doing my devo", "ah!, don't feel like it either. Sleeping sounds good, though. I am just tired, so tired, God."
I open my Bible, searching through the pages of the new Bible I picked since I didn't want to go look for the other one, for where I was in my daily readings. Oh yes, I think I was in Psalm 67. Well, read it, pray it and let's get going.
Wait a minute. My eyes landed on Psalm 68:6.
Soft and sweet medicine filled up my empty and saddened heart that morning.
He has set the lonely in families. He has set me in a beautiful family, two beauties, a princess and a warrior plus my beloved. They long to be with me and I so long to be with them too.
Yes, I was feeling lonely that day and often too. He knows it and has given me a family.
He sat me free from prison and gave me a new song.
A new song? I have heard that before.
What is the song, Lord? What is that new song?
Help me to hear it.
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