"Then I realized that my heart was bitter, and I was all torn up inside. 22 I was so foolish and ignorant— I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you. 23 Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand. 24 You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. 25 Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth. 26 My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever." Psalm 73:21-26
I have to confess I don't like to share my emotions or whatever is going on inside of me with others. Although, I think I have come to the realization I have trouble with wanting to be the center of attention. I am very self conscious and it drives me crazy.
But, as I said, the object of my blog is to let this out of my chest. Maybe, one day I will look back and see what things have changed, how God has been working in my life to fulfill His ultimate purpose. Maybe, this will help you, too? I don't know if there is anyone reading it. But it doesn't matter.
I've been stuck in Psalm 73 for the last two days. I keep reading it and praying because it is so true about what is deep in my heart now and it seems to be a common feeling to many.
What do the proud prosper? Comparing myself to others. Wondering why the people who don't love God prosper so much while some of us that at least try to work on loving Him better, go trough so much trouble.
I don't wish bad upon them, not at all.
The major realization on this passage is that I've been foolish and ignorant. That I indeed had been bitter and torn up inside.
I confessed then I am so foolish and ignorant again and again. I've been doing it for the last two days. God is talking to me.
In my weakness and ignorance, He is the strength of my heart.
See, I want so many things. Who doesnt? I wish I didn't. I want to be able to travel wherever I want. To see my family whenever I want ( I'm trying to escape from self-pity and wanting to see God's purpose on this setting). I want to learn to be a succesful fisher of man. I don't want to worry about "numbers" in ministry. What school will my children be going to? or what kind of fortune are we making?
God is faithful. He has always been.
I may be taking things too seriously. Worrying about how much I worry about stuff...that's so foolish.
Finally, I understand better God has a plan. I realize that when I come into His presence.
He is in control.
1 comment:
"My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever."
And he gives you the chance to humbly accept and say that HE IS THE STRENGTH OF YOUR HEART and that HE IS YOURS FOREVER.
And when he says that "God remains..." it means that sometimes we believe something else is our strength or that we consider our strength to be enough...which is wrong :) He has a hard and hurtful way to let us know, but his purpose is always to do us GOOD, the salvation of our soul and be WITH US.
You know what strength is? It's the capability to put up with something or to resist something.
Well, he doesn't say he's our strength for one day. He says HE REMAINS THE STRENGTH OF OUR HEARTS.
He doesn't say for how long, neither for only one situation.
Which means there is no limits of time or location or circumstances. That we can freely say he's our strength everytime, everyday, everywhere we are. Precisely what we need.
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